Alternate Option
Thoughts from me.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005 1:06 am
Constantine the movie—really bad
This is a warning, not a movie review. Earlier this year, someone told me Constantine was quite “interesting”. I avoided it because The poster and the trailer looked like More-Of-The-Same Neo stuff. Then yesterday, my wife said the same thing: Constantine was “interesting”. 2 out of 2 can’t be wrong.

But they were. Constantine is an awfully bad movie. Story: the devil trying to destroy mankind—again. Hasn’t the Christianish Occulty thing been so done to death yet? End of Days, Stigmata, Exorcist sequels, Warlock, Seventh Sign, The First Power, The Order… wasn’t Keanu Reeves already in the Devil’s Advocate? I suppose Hell is a good place look for expendable movie villains, and now has the advantage of allowing nice special effects. But wait, there’s also the chance to use really unconventional, supernatural looking solutions to tie up loose plot lines! Just wait for The Da Vinci Code

The hero is essentially Neo. Keanu Reeves acts as Neo’s cousin—like “The Cleaner” in La Femme Nikita vs “Leon” in Leon. Different, but same. In fact, the movie looks like The Matrix, some scenes are coloured greenish (like The Matrix), and it’s CGI-filled albeit worse. And there’s BulletTime. I’m sure the movie was promoted to fans of The Matrix fans, or fans of Keanu Neo.

Which makes it quite sad really. No doubt there isn’t much variation in the Men-Holding-Guns roles that Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis play, or the smarty-pants variant that Tom Cruise plays. But Keanu has now acted in 4 movies as the sullen-stony-faced-reluctant-hero-with-hidden-powers-saving-the-world-from-ULTIMATE-evil-in-a-movie-with-Bullet-Time. Not including Johnny Mnemonic.

The obligatory female counterpart is Rachel Weisz, whose acting I’ve never particularly liked. I can’t complain about her performance this time—it was actually quite good, and the best thing about the movie.

I sat through this thing thinking surely this is not just MOTS old crap. But it was.

[posted with ecto]

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